After a Tough Loss: A Squash Parent’s Guide to the Conversation

The match is over, but your child is still feeling it.

Maybe they lost a close fifth game. Maybe nothing seemed to work today. They might come off court crying, angry, unusually quiet—or ready to explain every point.

You may feel disappointed too. You want to reassure them, offer perspective, or help solve whatever went wrong.

There is no perfect sentence that makes a loss feel better. A useful starting point is simpler: help your child know that they can be disappointed without disappointing you.

1. Start with comfort, not a match review

Notice your own reaction first. If you are frustrated, take a moment to steady yourself before speaking.

Then offer something simple:

“That looked difficult. Would you like some company or a little space?”

Some children want a hug; others prefer quiet. Offer rather than assume. If they need space, find somewhere appropriate while maintaining supervision for their age.

You don’t need to explain the loss or find a lesson immediately. Positive Coaching Alliance recommends acknowledging feelings and resisting the urge to jump straight into solutions.

Help with practical things: finding their bag, getting water, or locating a quieter place nearby.

2. Acknowledge the disappointment

Reassurance can accidentally sound dismissive. “It’s only a game” may be true from an adult’s perspective, but the match mattered to your child.

Try language that leaves room for their experience without asking them to analyze it yet.

These are examples, not a script. Use words that sound natural in your family.

Acknowledging frustration does not require agreeing that the opponent, referee, or coach caused the loss.

Keep travel costs and family investment out of the immediate conversation. Don’t tie the time or money you spend on squash to an expected result.

What if they say, “I’m terrible at squash”?

Avoid an argument about whether they are talented—or a promise that they will win next time.

You might say:

“You’re really disappointed with how that went. One difficult match doesn’t define you.”

Later, if they want to discuss it, help them describe a specific difficulty rather than applying a label to themselves. “My serve wasn’t working today” gives them something concrete to discuss with their coach.

3. Keep clear boundaries around behaviour

Being upset and behaving respectfully can coexist.

If your child insults someone or throws equipment, address the immediate behaviour calmly:

“You can be angry. You can’t throw your racquet. Put it in your bag, and we’ll work out what you need.”

Avoid a public lecture where possible. Once everyone is calmer, discuss what happened and any apology or repair needed.

The same expectations apply to adults. Don’t confront an opponent or referee. Raise concerns through the tournament’s appropriate channels. US Squash’s parent code (PDF) emphasizes respectful conduct and putting athletes’ wellbeing ahead of winning.

Respecting officials does not mean overlooking bullying, unsafe conduct, or a safeguarding concern. Those deserve prompt attention.

4. Let your child choose when to talk

There is no universal waiting period. Some children want to talk straight away; others need time.

Try one invitation:

“Would you like me to listen, help you think it through, or leave the match alone for now?”

Positive Coaching Alliance recommends letting athletes influence the timing and length of these conversations.

When your child is ready, choose one question—not a questionnaire:

• “Was the match different from what you expected?”
• “What felt hardest today?”
• “Was there a moment you felt pleased with?”
• “What would you like help with before next time?”

Listen before adding your interpretation. Their answer may be about embarrassment, nerves, or friendship rather than shot selection.

If they want technical advice, help them bring a specific question to their coach. You can support that conversation without conducting a second coaching session in the car.

5. If there is another match, keep the next step small

Check the schedule and any officiating duties. If your child is struggling, ask the tournament desk or coach for support rather than simply leaving.

Avoid making “win this one” the recovery plan.

Help your child choose one manageable focus with their coach: following their warm-up routine, keeping track of the score, or trying a skill they have practised.

Ask:

“What would help you feel ready to go back on court?”

They don’t have to feel cheerful before taking a next step. But if they are unwell, injured, or overwhelmed, seek appropriate help rather than pressuring them to continue.

6. Take “I want to quit” seriously

Don’t turn the statement into an argument about commitment or dismiss it as something your child cannot mean.

Try:

“I hear you. We don’t have to decide everything beside the court, but I do want to understand what’s making squash feel this way.”

Later, explore whether the difficulty is this match, the competition level, the schedule, the coaching environment, or a genuine change in interest.

Pediatric guidance from St. Louis Children’s Hospital encourages parents to listen when children want to leave an activity and consider whether it still reflects their interests.

A different format, a lighter schedule, a break, or another activity may be worth discussing. Continuing at any cost is not the only successful outcome.

7. Repair your own reaction, if needed

Parents don’t always get this right either.

If you criticized every mistake or complained about the cost of the trip, return to it without asking your child to reassure you:

“I started criticizing your match when you needed support. I’m sorry. Next time I’ll ask whether you want to talk before offering advice.”

Then follow through.

Take responsibility for your response without making your child responsible for your feelings.

When the concern goes beyond one match

An upset afternoon does not, by itself, mean something is wrong.

Persistent worries, loss of interest, or changes in sleep, appetite, school, or friendships deserve attention. Talk with your child and their healthcare professional if you are concerned. The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages open conversations and seeking help when young athletes are struggling.

A courtside reminder

1. Settle your own reaction.
2. Offer comfort or space.
3. Acknowledge the feeling.
4. Keep behaviour respectful.
5. Let your child choose when to talk.
6. Find one manageable next step.

You don’t have to turn every loss into a lesson. Sometimes the most helpful thing your child takes home is knowing that a difficult result hasn’t changed your relationship.